Freezing Up
by LilyGhost
Summary: Stephanie believes the end is near after momentarily panicking at taking another step towards her future with Ranger.


**Ranger and Stephanie, and anything familiar, still belong to Janet. Mistakes are mine alone. **

"I really miss you," I said, even though there's no one and nothing except the frozen lake to hear me.

I wrapped my arms tighter around myself, fully aware that it won't do a damn thing to help me warm up. My plan was to drive around aimlessly until I felt less shitty. But an hour in, I actually feel so much worse. Pulling over wasn't part of my itinerary and my jacket is nowhere near thick enough to keep the icy December air from turning my bones into two-hundred-plus icicles. Truth is, if I were wearing a battery-heated parka, I'd still feel cold from the inside out.

"You totally fucking blew it, Stephanie," I reminded myself. "You could be with him right now, but _noooo _... you're all alone out here, freezing your ass off, staring blindly at trees that morph into the lake because everything is covered in heavy snow and you're struggling not to cry. And why are you here? Because you're too afraid to go home and see Ranger's clothes on your chair, confront the familiar scent of him and his evil shower gel that has infused your sheets for weeks, and immediately have to picture yet again how his dark eyes went blank when you panicked. Stupid! STUPID! _**STUPID!**_"

Two fat tears shot out of the inside of my eyes. They felt as cold and heavy as ice cubes as they rolled down my face in this eighteen-degree weather. Why do I always have to ruin things? Something finally feels good and I sabotage it. Giving up all hope of ever feeling better, I finally gave into the full-body sobs that punctuated the end of whatever I finally got started with Ranger.

'_I didn't mean to hesitate_', I'd wanted to tell him. '_Of course I want to spend Christmas with him', _I would've added, even if it meant meeting his family for the first time and facing the fact that they will almost definitely hate me. _All _mothers hate me ... even my own. The Manosos would then advise their son to find someone else, someone actually worthy of him, but at least I'd get to have that time between now and when he began to agree with them. Then my insecurities and nerves went ahead and cost me even those numbered-days with him.

Good thing I'd put on gloves when I bolted out of my apartment right after Ranger left with an emotionless '_I have to go'_. Using the _not_ waterproof as advertised-material covering both hands, I tried to sop up the puddle of misery I'd turned my face into. Ranger had hurried to get away from me, and I did the same ... though it's hitting home now that there really isn't any way of escaping your own mind. There also isn't enough ice cream in the world, never mind in my freezer at home, to numb me enough to get through this. In hindsight, I can see that _this_ is the reason I dragged my feet in admitting to everyone, Ranger especially, that I love him. He has the power to do what Dickie and Morelli never could no matter how hard they tried. _They_ couldn't break me. But without even doing more than breathing, Ranger could have me breaking myself.

Not only do I love him, I respect the hell out of him. And I'm finding out fast that I also need him like I've never needed a single thing before meeting him. If he left me, I'd never get back the part of myself that he'd take with him wherever he goes. And now I've lost him. '_No, Stephanie_,' I said in my head. '_You drove him away because you're too scared of being happy. You drive everyone away when you know they're too good to survive around someone like you_.'

"What are you doing out here, Babe?"

I jumped three feet straight in the air and then landed flat on my ass in a small bank of snow. Only Ranger can sneak up on someone in winter conditions, the ice and snow not once daring to give him away by cracking or compacting. Meanwhile, I just woke the dead with my ass.

I accepted the hand he held out to me just to be able to touch him again. We've only been apart for about an hour and a half now, and boy did every second of that feel like a bee sting.

"Thank you," I whispered, trying to avoid looking at him.

"You're always welcome, but that's not the response I'm waiting on."

I took a moment to scan what would be a postcard-perfect Winter scene if my core temperature didn't match the outdoor one, and the little wooded-lake wasn't butted right up to a hundred-year-old cemetery that looks every bit its age. I'd felt like I'd just killed our relationship with a misinterpreted shot through the heart of us, so there wasn't a more appropriate place to hang out according to my grief-driven brain and the hands controlling the steering wheel. That, however, isn't what I told Ranger. I need to fix this, since I clearly can't function or think properly without him. And he needs to know the cold, hard truth of that.

"I'm out here missing you," I admitted.

He brushed all the snow off my legs and ass before using his freakishly still-warm hands to dry my face as well.

His lips kicked up at the corner. "You couldn't miss me during that almost-two hours in the questionable comfort your apartment provides?"

That had my eyes snapping to try to read his. "You were coming back to my apartment?"

"Yes. Right after I apprehended Tealston. Tank was set to pick me up in your lot. You don't remember that plan, which I mentioned to you during last night's dinner?"

"Apparently not. I was too busy freaking out over you dumping me."

He paused for a beat before answering. "Why would you think I'd do that?"

"Because I was terrified at just the thought of meeting the people who made you."

He went quiet again, but it was a comfortable silence this time. "Stephanie, you need to stop expecting me to act like the assholes you've unfortunately had to know. I understand why you'd be nervous about meeting my family. Their opinion is one that matters a great deal to you, plus it cements our relationship to those on the outside looking into it. Both of which are why I was coming back to talk to you about it even with it being after midnight. When I had more time and no deadline, I was going to share with you all the reasons you have _not _to fear the Manosos. But Gene called between the TPD and your place. He was worried like I became that someone had kidnapped you again, not having another logical reason why you'd be out this late, in under-eighty-degree weather, and stay somewhere that doesn't sell junk food."

"Great. So now I have to explain why I'm a total idiot to more than just you?"

Always generating a houseful of heat with just his body, it wasn't a surprise that his jacket wasn't zipped ... which made it convenient for him to pull me tight to the front of his body and zip his open Rangeman windbreaker up over us.

"You aren't an idiot, Steph. You just have to learn that there are some people who would choose to shoot _themselves_ over abusing your trust in them. I meant it when I said that you're _my_ woman. _You_ alone are the only person who can help me get through the day, and actually have me look forward to the following one. Breaking up is _not _an option. No doubt we'll disagree at times, and make up even more than that. I'm not going anywhere. And if you do ... I'm not going to be far behind. If we encounter a problem, we're going to work together to solve it. I'm here for you and for whatever you need from me. I expect you to feel the same."

"I do. I was scared you suddenly realized that I can't be who you think I am, and were reevaluating your life and why you let me into it in the first place."

His hold on me suddenly became stronger and much tighter. "Don't ever doubt how happy you make me_. _I mean it when I say _no one _can do what you've been able to. We aren't your typical couple, so stop trying to measure us by what's considered the 'norm'. We both have things to work on, but we'll work on improving ourselves and each other together."

"You still love me?" I asked, not quite believing what I'm hearing or how perfect he really is for me.

"I've never stopped since the first day I said mine was the grin of a man who loves you_. _And I _will never _stop."

"I love you too, Bat/Ranger-man."

"I know," he said with an obnoxiously-smug, but extremely welcomed-grin. "You've never encountered, loved, or enjoyed, someone like me."

"Every word of that is true. And yes," I added.

"_Yes?_"

"To whatever you want from me. I love you. I promise that I'll always be here for you. And I will spend this holiday attached to your side and also with your family in Newark ..."

He cut me off by lowering his head and lining his lips up with mine. "You've just made our Christmas, Babe."

"I seriously doubt that, but I swear to you that I'm going to try."


End file.
